get out of your head and into your life.

Negative thinking is like a virus that can slowly take over our thoughts until pessimism and putting ourselves down start to seem normal. We get so used to it, we lose sight of the fact that there might be other ways to experience life.

The good news is: we don’t have to remain locked in negativity. There are techniques we can use to change the way we think and brighten our moods, but first, we have to learn to recognise when negativity is clouding our thoughts. 

Here are some of the common ways we might be thinking negatively. 

All or nothing thinking

In all-or-nothing thinking, we define ourselves in black or white categories, leaving out the shades of grey in between. Examples include, “I’ve always been a failure,”  “I’m never able to get myself together,” or “I always let people down.”

Solution

Realistically, though, nobody is good or bad all the time! If we were to look back carefully over our lives, we would find plenty of evidence that proves our negative thoughts wrong: times when we’ve been successful in our efforts, such as getting a driver’s license, holding down a job or helping out a loved one.

When we’re feeling down on ourselves, it’s important to consciously remind ourselves of all the times when we’ve been successful.  

Mental filter

When we have a mental filter, we focus on one small, negative aspect of a memory at the exclusion of all other aspects. An example of this could be if we celebrated a special occasion with our family, laughing and getting along with everyone, except for one small disagreement with a sibling.

Viewed through a mental filter, this one small, isolated incident would cause us to see the whole event as having been negative. 

Solution

Shift the filter! When we start to focus on a negative memory, we need to stop and think: what else was happening that day? Look for the bright spots. 

Disqualifying the positive

Sometimes we are unable to see or accept the positive in our lives. For some reason, good things don’t count. For example: a nurse who diligently completes her rounds, builds good relationships with her patients and has excellent technical knowledge relevant to her job has every right to feel pretty pleased with herself - but with a tendency to disqualify the positive, this same nurse may somehow still feel inadequate at her job, even if she receives glowing performance reviews from her superiors. She may think, “Yes, but they just don’t see the times when I make mistakes,” or “Yes, but I’ve had more experience than my peers.”

Solution

Stop the ‘Yes, buts’ and give ourselves permission to be happy! Count our blessings and achievements, even if they seem small. 

Catastrophizing

When we catastrophize, we assume a disaster will follow a minor setback. This can create a domino effect, where the first setback makes us mentally imagine a series of setbacks, all leading up to a larger catastrophe.

For example: our son develops a cough, which leads us to fear it might become a chest infection or even pneumonia, which makes us worry about the availability of a GP appointment, which makes us wonder if, without immediate attention, our son will need hospitalisation.

Solution

Slow down! Take steps to deal with each problem as it comes instead of trying to think ten steps ahead. Focus on the problem in front of you. 

‘Should’ thinking

This is where we conjure up some sort of ‘ideal’ for how we ought to be, and then compare ourselves negatively to it: “I should own a house at this stage of my life”, “I should be slimmer”, “I should be able to live a ‘normal’ life”. ‘Should’ thinking sets up expectations and we feel guilty for being unable to meet them.  

Solution

Instead of thinking about what we should do, we can try to think about what we want to do and figure out how to work towards it. Everybody in this world is different, wants different things and reaches milestones at different times. That’s ok! That’s what makes life interesting. 

Don’t let negativity cloud your thinking

Most of us can get caught up in negative thinking occasionally, but it becomes a problem when we find ourselves looking on the gloomy side all the time. In the coming weeks, we’ll be posting some more tips to embrace positivity in your life, so we hope you’ll come back to check them out!  

toxic masculinity: the discussion of the 21century

 masculinity refers to behaviors, attributes and roles associated with boys and men.
in the recent years, there has been a lot of discussion about masculinity and toxic masculinity specifically.

Gillette caused a media frenzy with their add targeting toxic masculinity and breaking gender norms.

masculinity is about anything it is about taking risks and offering protection to women, children, families and communities both in times of war and peace. For every destructive act by damaged males there are countless more protective acts.

 so that exactly is toxic masculinity
in psychology, toxic masculinity is the constellation of socially regressive male traits that serve to foster domination, the devaluation of women, homophobia and wanton violence.society views men as more important than women. 
 american psychology association(APA) in its publication of treating men and boys concluded that traditional masculinity is psychologically harmful.

examples of toxic masculinity. emotional repression, be tough, emotion is weak- it is a norm that men limit their emotional  range to expression of anger.' men don't cry',' you're supposed to be Strong' and so forth.
all humans think and feel but society has gendered feelings and emotions. we raise boys to pretend not to have or to bottle up these very human thing. 

toxic masculinity has been met with a lot of backlash and men saying its targeted at men to feel bad about being men. It seems like these men are missing the point, though—this kind of information isn’t meant to make men feel bad about being men, and it’s not to say that the world doesn’t need “male energy.” The point is that “male energy” doesn’t have to mean aggression, lack of emotion, and a refusal to ask for help; being a man can and should mean more than that.

Of course, some people think that these guidelines could make men less likely to seek help with mental illness, which is already a problem. But maybe if more men are taught that showing emotion and getting help are things that are normal and okay, things could change for the better.

Considering how much aggression, domestic violence, and sexual assault stems from toxic masculinity, it’s hard to ignore the fact that something’s gotta give, and hopefully these guidelines will be a step in the right direction.
perhaps it is due to rigid norms of traditional masculinity (e.g., risk-taking, dominance) that the toxic version of masculinity is associated with negative health and social outcomes. Examples of these outcomes include the following: Men have a shorter life expectancy than women, are more likely to die by suicide, and are more likely to commit violent crimes (and be victims of it too)

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